|
|
Post by spaniardx on May 8, 2018 2:11:20 GMT -5
OK, I have been using the wrong pronoun with them...
I only read the Slate site's Dear Prudence so was completely unaware of any transition.
|
|
|
|
Post by vitugglan on May 8, 2018 16:21:39 GMT -5
Well, he used to be a she so we were right at some point.
|
|
|
|
Post by vitugglan on May 9, 2018 6:53:08 GMT -5
Also, 'Prudence' is a feminine name. Even if Shaquille O'Neal did the job I'd probably still call him a 'her.'
|
|
|
|
Post by spaniardx on May 30, 2018 1:24:38 GMT -5
First letter
First off, grow another vertebrae on that spine of yours by remembering that you are the parent. And, you'd be surprised at how much a 13 year old can understand (providing you haven't locked her away in the proverbial tower). Its not like its the 1950s and your only option is to move to Reno or Vegas to dissolve the marriage.
Fall back on the usual "your father and I love you very much, but we no longer love each other enough to stay together."
Letter #2: Boyfriend is gaslighting you so hard when you call him out (however politely and low key you are) when he tugs on your leash. Yes, these are red flags. Slip that leash and bolt away.
|
|
|
|
Post by vitugglan on May 30, 2018 6:53:49 GMT -5
Chances are the 13-year-old already knows, in the darkest recesses of her young soul, that the parents aren't exactly in sync anymore. The couple may not fight in front of her, but if they fight at all she's probably heard at least a little. Cold shoulders are noticeable, too. Relieve the child's mind, tell her she's not hallucinating. She won't like it, but that's when it's time to step up and parent.
Drop him. Those little phrases are covert controlling mechanisms. If she buckles under now he'll just ramp it up a little at a time and pretty soon she'll be in her lovely cloister, not hearing or seeing anything in the real world.
|
|
|
|
Post by spaniardx on May 30, 2018 8:36:36 GMT -5
Letter #1 and letter #4.
Color me about five shades of absolutely Gobsmacked!
|
|
|
|
Post by vitugglan on May 31, 2018 7:25:57 GMT -5
Tentacle porn and surrogate slavery. Boy, Prudie's column is wild today!
|
|
|
|
Post by spaniardx on Jul 5, 2018 9:38:03 GMT -5
Betting sperm donor didn't immediately offer marriage (or possibly questioned paternity) and what she's getting out of this is to make sperm donor screamingly jealous so that she'll get the ring she wants from him.
|
|
|
|
Post by vitugglan on Jul 6, 2018 6:32:23 GMT -5
Given that she knows you’re not the father and couldn’t possibly provide her with child support or care, it’s unclear what she’s getting out of telling people that you fathered her child.
Maybe she's just attention-seeking. People these days are more and more into weird and taboo sex. By saying that Baby's a product of incest, she gets a lot of attention from her peers. The big problem is if she tells the local welfare alphabet-soup agency and tries to collect child support. That'll be a world of trouble.
|
|
|
|
Post by spaniardx on Jul 7, 2018 14:33:35 GMT -5
And I'm thinking LW better get a paternity test done ASAP and prove things for good or ill.
|
|
|
|
Post by vitugglan on Jul 7, 2018 17:12:44 GMT -5
Definitely. They're so much more reliable these days, so good for him.
|
|
|
|
Post by spaniardx on Oct 16, 2018 15:36:40 GMT -5
First rattlesnake out of the box..
First off, saying something about her frequent threats of suicide is not a critique (granted, she might not see it that way). And, think how much more damaged things would be (for LW side of things) if she did suicide after LW sat there impotently wringing hands
|
|
|
|
Post by vitugglan on Oct 16, 2018 18:19:14 GMT -5
I don't like hearing people threaten suicide. Often it's a cry for attention, not for help. Not always, but often enough to make me wonder when I hear about it. And it's scary. It's scary to hear someone threaten this. LW has the added burden of being close to the boss outside of the office and knowing that she really does have mental health issues. It wouldn't hurt for LW to phone one of those suicide hotlines or get him/herself a therapist to discuss what to do about all of this. A professional who works with suicidal people will be more helpful than asking an advice columnist and his readers what to do.
|
|
|
|
Post by spaniardx on Nov 7, 2018 6:48:13 GMT -5
From the look of things, its more "act like a hazmat" day!
LW#1:
Those panicked weeks were not wasted time. Daughter has offered to take up the slack her way. Nothing says she has to "do Thanksgiving" the way mom did. Sister is being hazmat. Mom might just be having trouble with change.
LW#2:
Autism is not an excuse for being a hazmat. This is sexual harassment and LW is apparently not the first to endure this from him. Live down to your co-worker's expectations. Be rude and taze the hazmat until he can't see straight.
LW#3:
Your body, your choice. You've discussed this with her. She disagrees (her right), but she has no right to pressure you (and the couples therapy sounds more like "pay someone to make him do what I want"). Just remember to use condoms (and check for holes) for six months -- even though doctors will say after six weeks, you're shooting blanks. And, remember that -- just like a tubal -- a vasectomy can spontaneously heal and restore fertility.
And don't be surprised if she screams, stomps her feet and hits you over the head with divorce papers.
LW#4:
Talk about "sympathy for the devil"! Being a cuckold is no excuse for Dad to be a hazmat (and doesn't entitle him to forgiveness from LW -- or anyone for that matter). He stole DNA samples and is now punishing everybody in a wide blast radius with his petty revenge. He isn't "taking a break from being LW's dad". He has denied LW and brother. No way would I want someone like him at my holiday table. If he's part of their social media circle: unfriend, unfollow, block. Better yet, close those accounts. Move away, no forwarding and then legal name change (would serve hazmat right if the other two did the same).
LW#5
Betting if hubby was doing this over the loss of a close human relative, pretty sure LW would have gotten him to professional counseling already.
LW#7
Even if mom and dad kicked in for part of the wedding expenses, that doesn't mean you have to tell them where you're getting the scratch for that honeymoon so early.
|
|
|
|
Post by vitugglan on Nov 7, 2018 8:49:49 GMT -5
#1: Mom probably doesn't want the family to fall apart over what is, essentially, a non-issue. She's already given her judgment: it's LW's house, do as she wishes. Little sister is being petulant and needs to shut up and sit down.
#2: a) He's autistic, he doesn't 'have autism.' It isn't a cold that he'll shed in a few days, it's a condition. b) My third-born is severely autistic. His favorite turn-on is clothed women modeling pantsuits. For him - I can't say for a higher-functioning autistic who is out in the workforce - it's as innocent as an infant pulling on Mom's breast to be fed. Autistic people don't understand social norms, that's the major part of a condition that is spectrum-wide. c) Management should talk to the employee and tell him not to play videos while at work, and not to keep other employees from doing their jobs. Talking is for break time, and no one has to engage in conversation with him if they don't want to, especially when they're supposed to be working. He needs to be brought up to speed on what is expected in the workplace. It'll take time and effort, but it's necessary for a comfortable and safe work environment.
#3 Ooh. Touchy. I can empathize with his fear of losing his wife or next baby. Totally understand that! He needs to find a different therapist, one who will objectively assess the situation and bring the wife around to facing LW's reality. The current therapist is falling down on the job and it may be that s/he sees it as being paid to get the husband to come around. Enlist the wife's doctor to help. In fact, have this discussion with the doctor, who will be better able to assess the medical possibilities for a future pregnancy.
#4 Dad wanted something to pin on Mom so he did this sneaky, probably illegal, DNA heist. Dad's the petty one, even if Mom did cuckold him years ago. Dad's issues with Mom are more recent, hence the divorce 28 years later. Notice that he was just fine with her, even though he supposedly suspected something, for all this time. His beef is strong, and he wants to destroy Mom and all of her relationships. It's hard to ignore the person who raised you. It's crushing that he's being like this. It's all on Dad, though, for being such a snotty little b**tard.
#5 Okay, hubby's going overboard. Maybe he's allowing himself to be the center of attention, maybe it's unconscious, but that's what he's doing. Change the station, turn off the movie, sleep with the dog's blanket... That's okay in the first few weeks after but nine months later? No. He has some severe issues that need to be confronted before the other dogs get old enough to die and before LW goes completely bonkers and files for divorce. He's being selfish at this point, IMO, denying LW her movies and music. Get that man some therapy!
#6 Oy. I'm guessing this girlfriend still has unresolved issues about the break-up and might have gotten involved in a relationship too soon after.
Response to the vasectomy question: Right. What if this does lead to divorce and he then regrets having gotten snipped? I'm even more on-board with talking with Wife's doctor about this. If the first pregnancy was just a fluke, it would help LW to know this; if it's possible to happen again with more tragic results, Wife needs to know this as well. My mom almost died when I was born, and I almost did, too. Her doctor advised against more children. It was because she'd had rheumatic fever as a child and her heart couldn't take the strain of a pregnancy. If this is a similar case, Mom needs to know it and behave accordingly. IMO, the best outcome with this is for her to get the procedure so, even if they divorce, she's permanently out of danger.
#7 I'd expect LW's parents would be glad that they got to go on this trip. They might not even wonder about where the money came from, or they might just keep their thoughts to themselves. Don't tell them unless they ask in such a way that LW can't avoid answering, then mention the in-laws fleshed out some points the couple had for travel and hotels. People aren't as sensitive as other people assume, IMO. If they are, they have bigger issues than their child's belated wedding trip.
|
|
